‘I’m not like other girls’: What are pick-me girls & why do we find them unlikeable?

Can't live with them, can't live without them.

Fasiha Nazren |
March 15, 2023, 10:42 am

We’re not starting a cult but some followers on Instagram would be nice. Thank you.

If you’re chronically online, you would have heard of pick-me girls.

The term gained popularity on TikTok, of course, and it is quite self-explanatory. It’s basically someone with traits that scream “pick me!!!”.

What’s a pick-me girl?

Urban Dictionary describes a pick-me girl as someone who seeks male validation by indirectly or directly insinuating that she is “not like other girls”.

Here are a couple of examples:

  • A girl that exclusively hangs out with men because they “just don’t get other girls” or “can’t deal with girl drama”.
  • A girl that actively points out she’s “low maintenance” for reasons like “I don’t like heavy makeup” or “I don’t have a skincare routine”.

Actually, these sound unproblematic when you read the scenarios on a surface level. What’s wrong with being yourself (if you can really call it that), right?

Wrong. It’s the intention that’s problematic: To stand out by putting other girls down and making fun of them to pander to the male gaze.

In the 21st century where “women supporting women” is a norm, pick-me girls could unintentionally portray internalised misogyny.

All the girls say…

To make sure this wasn’t just a “me problem”, I sought other women for their take on pick-me girls. Unsurprisingly, we’re all on the same page.

Here are some of the less expletive-laden quotes:

“To be honest, I feel like these people are just rather inauthentic, and I would rather not hang out with them.”

“At first, I was like ‘I should make an effort to be friends with them because everybody deserves a chance’. BUT I WAS WRONG. They only want attention from the opposite sex and… another word that rhymes with ‘pick’. News flash: The problem is you.”

(Not) all the boys say…

Interestingly, when I asked some of my male friends, at least one of them said they’d never encountered a pick-me girl.

While another friend, let’s call him John, admits that he occasionally finds them “annoying” and “cute”.

I expected more from you, John.

Not all guys have succumbed to the pick-me girls’ bag of tricks, though.

There were a handful of them who also groaned at the very thought of pick-me girls.

Here are some choice words:

“Not gonna lie, they give me major trust issues because these are the kind of girls that will definitely lead guys on and are usually aware of it. They just enjoy the attention they get from it.”

“Pick-me girls hold on to that ‘me vs. them’ argument as their core identity, implying that the person they are talking to or about are lesser than. We all know they too are wearing that SuperGurl dress and that Charles and Keith heels, but suddenly they’re soooo different now just because they didn’t jump on the Gentlewoman bandwagon?”

Clearly, my friends and I have different views on pick-me girls. But if there’s something we can all agree on, it’s that they thrive on attention.

Is it wrong to want attention?

No, it’s not. Attention is a basic human need, isn’t it?

If you think about it, it’s kind of like when children act out just to get attention from their parents.

And if being a pick-me girl works on some guys (I’m looking at you, John), then the bigger joke is me for being bothered enough to dedicate an entire article to them.

P/s: Apparently a simp is the male equivalent of a pick-me girl. The more you know.

Top image from Canva.

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